An Apocalyptic Valentine

In honor of Valentine’s Day, guest blogger The Apocalyptic Housewife is back with a dose of romantic realism—and a freegan Valentine idea.

I’ve been married a long, long time.

My husband loves me, loves us, and hates ‘compulsory holidays’. He also hates Facebook.

But he’s a great guy: he always gives me something special for non-compulsory occasions, like a $100 pillow when he noticed I’d been cracking my neck for weeks. And when a persistent, Facebook-obsessed friend finally copied a quiz into email and sent it to him, he answered it.

I was copied on the email, so I peeked.

“What would ______ say is your favorite scent?”

“My wife’s pillowcase.”

The Inspiration

On Thursday, M. had to leave for work immediately following a, umm, ‘nap’. I had the day off.

“I hate getting up now. Look at how even my t-shirt is mocking me”

After M. showered, dressed and left for work, I took my after-glow-anointed neck and my shrug and my cat onto the sofa for a nap. ZZzzzzzzzzmmmmmmmmmm.

When I awoke, I noticed that M. had left his old headphone bag in the trash. My brain leapt from headset to sewing machine to pillowcase, like a pinball lighting up the ’tilt’ sign.

If you try this at home, don’t leave out the ‘nap’ part;
your idea will undoubtedly be even better.

I already had Grandma’s ancient creaking sewing machine set up on the kitchen table where I made this bitchin’ shrug (pictured above) out of a bagged-out sweater and Brother Dennis’ dia de los muertos heart.

I had been meaning to make some Pillowcase Dresses for Haitian Relief, but my sewing skillz needed some brushing up—ie, I was ready to sacrifice a pillowcase for practice.

How to Make a Pillowcase Headphone Bag

You’ll need:
• A standard pillowcase
• A string (shoelaces work great)
• Scissors
• Iron
• Sewing machine, or needle+thread+dedication

1. Cut the pillowcase roughly in half lengthwise, and remove the hemmed section. You should have a long-ish strip of fabric, sewn on two sides. Cut it down more if you like.

2. Fold down the long edge. Turn down twice to make a casing, which should be wide enough that your string slides through easily. Iron to make a straight edge.

For best results, use a press-cloth.

For lousy results, iron directly onto a vinyl tablecloth, which is guaranteed to melt all over your iron.

3. Sew along the folded edge, using a zigzag stitch, and thread the string through. This will be the mouth of the bag, and the drawstring to pull it closed.

If you have trouble, attach a safety pin to one end of the string: it’ll be easier to thread that way.

Since I wanted this bag to remind M. of  my side of the bed while he’s using his headset at work, I used the shoelace that he teases the kitties with.

What’s a catnap without a cat?! And, look! Hearts!

4. Turn the pillowcase inside out, and sew along the open edge leaving the drawstring casing open. You should now have an inside-out bag.

5. Turn the bag right-side out and admire your handiwork.

The finished bag. It fits neatly into a backpack, holds a standard headset comfortably, and reminds M. of his warm, sleepy wife. Also, it cost NOTHING.

(Except for a new tablecloth.)

Happy Valentine’s Day, world! Go do something half-assed and whole-hearted. It’s worked pretty well for us.